Confession Number 1

Confession Number 1:

I am in love with someone who does not love me back. I think.

I have discovered, through many different instances this summer, that men suck. The most prodigious violation of my patience came with the realization that men like to be liked! Regardless of their availability or their feelings toward you, they bask in the showered affections of women. They relish in the devotion of any one willing to give it. And most women, whether they are willing to admit it or not, have devoted themselves to man that does not return their feelings at one point in their lives. This does not necessarily mean an actual relationship. In many cases, my own being one of them, this devotion could be just a matter of the time you spend thinking about them. Or when he flirts with you hopelessly, making the heat rush to your face only for him to tell you how cute it is. Or when you tell your friends about every exchange and they totally think he's into you! Or when he calls you pretty when you mention something you don't like about yourself. Or when you lay in bed and analyse every moment you spent together in that day. Or when you let yourself hope, for one wonderful moment, that maybe, just maybe, he thinks about you as much as you think about him. Is this devotion of time, thought, and love- did I say love? I meant affection, unhealthy, or is it all apart of love's game?

I'm sorry to admit that I was a victim of this devotion in my own work place. What was the result of this devotion, you may ask? The discovery that he already had a girlfriend, and the confusing heartbreak that accompanied it. The attempt to go on a date with someone else to break the devotion, only to find yourself thinking about what it would be like to hold hands with him instead. The pang of jealousy every time you hear about his inclination towards other women, romantic or not. And last but not least, the suspenseful moment of your last day of work when he walks you out to your car and you pray that something will happen, he pulls you in for the hug of your life... and then says "it was nice getting to know you." It was nice getting to know me? Was it now? What am I, your long lost cousin!?

Seeing as the last event only just occurred a few hours ago, I am still digesting, and have yet to form an opinion on my situation or a method of how to cope with it. I feel that I have exhausted my venting capabilities, and must now reflect. This has been a confession by a soulful ginger.